An Update | Brazen Honesty w/ a Dash of Hope

It's been 3 months since I started this LKM Beast Mode journey. And it has also been 2 months since I last wrote anything about it. There has been sporadic trickle of #sweatyselfies and #food pictures. However, heart stuff (which is the most important part to me) has been fumbling around churning up new realities as well as new confusions daily. 

Awesome healthy choices surrounding a belgan waffle night with friends. It's been that kind of variety that i'm evaluating lately... :) | #healthychoices #balance #freebienights #veggielover

I have lost 8 lbs in the last 3 months. I'm a dress size smaller. And the way I may have jumped about 5 feet in the air to hop over an ENORMOUS lizard the other day tells me "vert" has improved tremendously. The balance between the extreme and the moderate continues to be a hard one. I enjoy food. And i think that is a good thing. Saying no is also a good thing. And rediculously hard when your sitting in front of mouth-watering dishes like beer-battered fries and all you want to do is smother every fleck of parmesian and crispy flecks of catastrophe across your face. 

In June I traveled a bit for business; shot a wedding in San Jose and another in Portland. We made awesome weekends out of the ventures and ate very well. My scale told me I was being counterproductive but my love for experiences and memories told me to chill out a little and stop trying to achieve so much that I miss out on the NOW.

One of many wonderful meals while traveling :D | Vancouver, WA

So the eating part has been touch and go. I've provided a few more freedom day's than I probably "should" have. As I face these last 5-10 lbs I'm worried about saying "no" more. I have no answer as to how to find the balance between enjoying treats at special times and just living a life away from sugar and carbs as much as possible. It's super murky water because i'm trying this crazy thing called "balance" but I keep falling off that beam into mashed potatoes or second helpings or glass of wine with girl friends that just sounds so wonderfully adult-like and fun. I'm trying so hard to find a line of moderation that that in itself has started to master me. It might actually be the next better step to go cold turkey on sugar again. Possibly carbs. I think my body has been trying to tell me that for a while considering that this sticky, dumb muffin top is as delectably perched on my hips as it was before.

My work out routine has been more satisfying. T25 kicked my butt and having a 10 week goal and varied work-outs every morning shook things up and became a system that worked well for my family and the kids over the summer. (See my last post on "7 Things You Might Be Wondering About This t25 Thing") I did have to take a break with #t25 a couple weeks ago. My achilles tendon was getting super tight and the high impact wasn't feeling so hot. I also was getting bored. I battled the boredom for a while. Invited friends over to keep me accountable and sweat with and laugh with, but I knew I needed to mix things up before my plateu got worse and I started begrudging the journey.

Sweaty Selfie Overload | Also finding strength and consistency in getting friends to join me...

So I started running AND i've joined a few friends at the gym. AND AND AND...I have to tell you...cardio performance has jumped to a new level since going through T25! My speed and agility is legitimately improved! I did a cardio kick box class last Tuesday at Chuze Fitness and I thought I was going to jump through the roof!  High Jumps that otherwise felt like mollases 2 months ago were familiar and I. FELT. STRONG. It was absolutely satisfying.

So I'd like to lose another pant size. I've got that dumb muffin top that won't go away. While my diastisis has been healing, I know I have some core work to do to continue pulling all those prego-devestated muscles back together again...I would like to work on speed for Tucson's Color Run coming up in November. I have a pair of skinny jeans that I have hanging up in my closet eagerly waiting. patient. slightly taunting. 

In some ways I wanted something more impressive to show by the time August rolled around. But then I got called out on my need for men's approval and realized that I was caring to much about what others thought. I chilled out a little. 

So here we are. I get to go on vacation in a few weeks and will be spending some solid time on the beach. Let's just go ahead and own that hashtag #beachbody and aim to lose 3 more pounds in the next 3 weeks. Yes? Yes.

Also, how about we salute freedom? Running in the mornings has renewed my soul--reminded me to quiet a little and look up and breath--taking a day at a time. Relinquishing some of the crazy concern in the name of bold, hopeful patience. Consistency. Self-control that surrenders with joy. So cheers to brazen honesty and healthy lifestyles and encouraging workout partners and brave goals and living in community as you meet them. | LKM 

7 Things You Might Be Wondering About This T25 Thing...

Sweaty Selfies from the past few weeks of Shaun T Fitness's Work Out Program, "T25."

So back on Mother's Day I made it publicly known that I was starting a weightloss / fitness / get-my-ish-together "LKM beast mode" journey. It's been a few weeks and there have been a few rumblings, questions and confusion about it all. So I thought i'd offer some clarification...

So here are "7 Things You Might Be Wondering About This T25 Thing..."

1. Q: What is T25? Who is Shaun T? Shaun T is a famous trainer who has developed a collection of hard core fitness programs. The first of which I heard of was Insanity. T25 is a shortened interval-style work out program. It's comes with a 5 week first stage called "ALPHA" and a following 5 weeks stage called "BETA" that incrementally builds to produce speed and strength. to quote Shaun T: "It's a full-body workout in 25 minutes. With zero rest. Focus Interval Training works every muscle group in your body—one after the other—then it works it again. It's short. It's sweaty. But after 25 minutes, it's done. No BS...just amazing results. (and here is a shameless plug for my friend and coach Cindy Melo. If you wanna try T25 out, check out her page and sign up under her!)

2. Q: So does it work? It looks super intense. I have this calendar that allows me to check off each work out with "barely made it" and "nailed it." Lets just say I have limped across the finish line for the past 3 weeks and still have to modify my push-ups. It's hard. But it is working for me. It is a short frame of time and I like my time. Modified version still pushes the body so as I slowly increase speed and strength I'm not feeling like i'm failing at life. Just waking up and doing it every morning and being consistent is the best victory so far. 

3. Q: So, like, are you ok? it looks like you are really gung-ho about this. How's that whole obsessive-cumpulsive thing going? Yes, i'm fine. Truth be told T25 has saved me time. I wake up at 630 and do my 25 minutes of sweating before the kids wake and my mornings have been open. But you like post about stuff every single day. I do. (beat) And it's fun. This isn't a compulsive sudden thing :) Nor is it ignorant...

4. Q: So then, like, why DO you post stuff every single day? Why are you so public about everything? I don't presume that all want to share their stories with the world. I also can't presume you care about my own so...no worries. Yay for the nature of social media. You are welcome to block me. But can we all agree to not judge? The concern for my heart is a beautiful thing. I have some incredible friends who know me well and have asked some gently, prodding questions about my motivation... And it has forced me to check myself. a lot. In light of that, this is a public piece of something that has been a part of my life and heart-space since highschool. This is not sudden. This is not motivated by vanity alone. Furthermore, I have been pushed and motivated by my friend's stories. Even stranger's stories. Their journey. Seeing long-term commitment actually play out. It's not the commercials or google ads that produced action, it was seeing the change in real-life people. I hope that by sharing my own story will be edifying--maybe inspiring to others who just need a nudge or resources they don't know about or a real-life example of change, evaluation, self-honesty, discipline... and i'll continue to take horrific sweaty pictures of it and it will be fun.

5. Q: Oh yea, the sweaty selfies. What. The. Heck. WHY? Because I think they are hilarious. All those silly pictures of people looking hot-n-pretty before they work out--posing perfectly with their back-side facing the mirror, one cheek higher than the other, arm propped up and sucking in so hard their belly-button kisses their spine...yup. It's just not real. And I don't care. But a friend of mine started posting pictures of her sweating up a storm doing some sort of messy video while her three kids were under foot and making it an activity of sorts and I thought, "huh. i can do this. And i should get my kids in on it. And we will be silly about it. And real. And zero prettiness will be happening and people will be like, 'woah' and i'll be like, 'right?!' And it will be funny. And did I mention real?

6. Q: Really Laura? #beachbody. Really? This is a funny thing to clarify. Hashtag "#beachbody" is in reference to a company. www.Beachbody.com. A stellar company that produced a whole myriad of weightloss/fitness/wellness resources. I might be trying to get fit, but having a beach body isn't my motivation. And ... uhm, i live in the desert. 

7. Q: So what is your motivation? Now THIS is my favorite question. The sweaty selfies are merely a snapshot of the physical labor...but the soul-searching is a bigger deal to me. I don't have some straight away answers for this. But i do have a handful of thoughts swirling around in me head...

5 Thoughts About my Motivation to Lose Weight and Get Fit...

a. If I believe in a Creator who made this one body during this fleeting time i have on earth, than why not make it as strong, stable, healthy as possible?

b. "I make my body my slave" 1 Corinthians 9: 26-27. I am supremely satisfied in efforts to build self-discipline. I love discipline. I respect it in others and I delight in striving to live my life not mastered by my wants or immediate gratification.

c. I'm tired of the love-handles that keep me in an awkward pant size. 

d. I'm tired of seeing 10-15 lbs of stubborn fluffy sass sit on my hips. So much of the weight gain was derived from a sense of entitlement. I.e. I'm pregnant so I DESERVE to eat whatever the crap I want to. 6 years ago I abandoned the ease of healthy eating and shoved my face full with platters of rebellion and anger. Simply in the name of 'I deserve this'...eating made me feel better. And I have had to pay the price. One i'm not willing to pay anymore.

e. And who would i be fooling if I didn't want to wear heels without them hurting. I don't want to sit down and have to adjust my belt over my belly or get tired going up the stairs with the kids. I want to wear a dress and like how it fits. I also want to not care. I want to not be mastered or controlled by this. I am distracted by the extra weight I carry, the clothes I don't fit into anymore, the way I have to squat awkwardly when I'm out shooting.  Life is short and this is why I refuse to be "happy with just the way I am"...because it could be better. (note: can you hear the tension between vanity and the stuff of eternity in this confession? yea, these thoughts aren't organized. I don't know if they ever will be. but somewhere there is a balance between wanting to be beautiful and having a heart of worship and self-lessness and modesty and insecurity and allure and presentation and not caring and confidence and taking joy in other's beauty/accomplishments/successes and not competing and...and..and.... to be continued).

f. oh, and fine, i admit it... I love muscles. I think they are beautiful. I'd almost call them art. It takes work, skill, patience...things that make art. but then I think, if charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, than am i just kidding myself? I don't think so....

g. I love Jesus with my whole heart, mind, body and soul. I owe my life to Him. He gave me this body for a short time on this earth. I am grateful that I have a healthy body. I am grateful that I am able to walk and run and jump. I might not have it forever. Those things might be taken from me tomorrow. But while I can, I want to be strong and fast and active and I want that to please Him. I think of Eric Liddel's (olympic gold medalist) words from the 1981 movie Chariots of Fire: 

"I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast.

And when I run I feel His pleasure." 

This journey is more than skin deep. T25 is just a mode of operation but not the motivation. Challenge groups, weigh-ins, before & after pictures, pom-poms, success stories, sweaty selfies, bad days, good days, biceps, flabby tummies, calorie-counting, portion control, obnoxious pictures of lettuce and status updates about diet woes... they are part of the process (some of them merely as entertainment and/or accountability),  but only the tip of the iceberg. As i hone in on ways to address some of my addiction to food and entitlement, I want the fight and the strain and the sweat and sweet prayers for mercy and help to be fully charged with a worshipful heart--abandoning zones of comfort for a place of freedom, beauty and strength. In all areas.

LKM Beast Mode | The Beginning

There are a few soft choices and bad habits and weak-willed systems of thinking and self-comforting lies that motivate me to be open about my weight-loss/fitness journey. 

I'm going public friends. I'm nervous. I'm afraid....and I'm eager.

Welcome to my landing page. Writing is super clarifying for me so i'm going to let this page be a place of honest-to-goodness, wall-defeating, habit-breaking, self-denying, sweat-producing, whine-crushing exposure. It will document the discipline, the inspiration, the victories and the failures. Here we go. | LKM

IT'S TIME.